Baby essentials

My mom and dad had arrived from Indonesia, that's why I have a bit of time to go online and post something on this blog. It's such a huge relief. I think Agastya has started to drain my energy out. I've been spending most of my day (and night) in my room with Agastya. When he sleeps I try to sleep, unless I have to breastpump or eat. I think if I continue like this my skin will become so pale. Need some sunlight desperately.

From my experience this past couple of weeks, there are things you need when you have a baby. I am going to list them here, for friends who are thinking of having babies (hint hint-- I know at least one who's due in September). Apart from the obvious like car seat, pushchairs, beddings, etc, I found some things I learnt myself that I can't live without.

1. Support.
The best support comes from your family. I really wouldn't have a clue what I'd do if Yovita (my sister) were not here this past two weeks. She's studying for her SAT but she's nice enough to help me in any way she can. She's my angel and saviour. Now that my mom and dad are here, I'll have more support and hopefully Yovita can get her well-earn rest. I cannot thank her enough. I get support from Nagi as well, that goes without saying, but he's expected to do that, afterall he's the father.

2. V-neck pillow
I don't know why I had not discovered them much earlier. It would have made my snooze in the nights a lot nicer. This pillow is very comfortable. I use it for breastfeeding to support my back, but I find it most useful to make me go to sleep almost instantly at whatever time.

3. Breast pads
When I look at them at first, I thought "Hmm.. how many of them do I really need? Certainly this 50 disposable ones would do for a month at least." Turns out I was wrong. I finished the whole thing in less than 2 weeks!

4. Food
And lots of it. I find myself having a very big appetite lately, more than when I was pregnant. I eat oatmeal and juice for breakfast, and 4 slices of bread with butter. I have those bread and butter for snacks too. I have more portion of meal for both lunch and dinner. One important thing, Nagi found this Tesco Finest Chocolate Roulade. My God that must be the finest thing Tesco had produced! It's a rolled chocolate cake with cream in the middle. The chocolate cake is perfect, not too chocolatey, not too sweet, not too strong. The texture is very delicate too. And the cream... oh... by now you all should know how I love cream. Anything with cream is edible. I really recommend you to try this chocolate roulade, unless you live near Milton or regularly shop in Tesco Milton. I want all the chocolate roulade stock for myself!!!

5. Sleeping clothes with front opening
I have only a few, and most of them were my mom's! *blushed*. I don't have many of them, and when breastfeeding, front opening is definitely a must. I don't like pulling up t-shirt because I can't see the baby's face very well. That's why I have to keep putting the same clothes in the wash, and that's also why people might see me in photographs wearing the same clothes over and over again. That's not because I have not had shower for ages (although sometimes that's true *blushed*), but because I honestly don't have that many clothes suitable for breastfeeding. I ought to buy some more, but I thought I'd buy them in Indonesia.

6. Nursing bras.
Same with breastpads, I originally thought to myself how many of these do I really need - I should be able to use my old bras (the ones I used during pregnancy, which are 2 sizes bigger than the ones I used before pregnancy). Turned out I must have gained 2 more sizes since Agastya was born or something, because the ones I used during pregnancy just doesn't fit me anymore, especially if I had to use breastpads continuously like right now. I hope these boobs will go back to their original size otherwise I'm a bit alarmed since I look like a skinny girl with Dolly Parton's boobs!
I only bought a couple of them to start with, but that's really far from enough due to leakage and sweat (oh yeah I sweat like a pig when I sleep. I don't know why, but when I wake up I always find myself soaked in sweat!). I can use 3 in a day!

Oh, just an information, now my weight is 50 kgs. It hasn't really changed since the day Agastya was born. I was 57 at the end of pregnancy, and the birth with Agastya's weight and the volume of the water and blood etc probably totalled to around 7 kgs.

Agastya's weight on 20th January (20 days old) is 4.08 kgs, which is around 0.5 kgs more than when he was born. Which is good, that means he's been feeding very well. We know that already before weighing because he's been pooing very much too. He's definitely a poo factory, and I think he's getting that trait from his little aunty Yovita.

7. Maternity pads
There's something I wasn't really prepared myself during pregnancy. I did not know that I'd be bleeding for about 3 weeks continuously. We're talking about heavy bleeding, more than what I used to get during my periods.

8. Arnica
This is something that was recommended by my midwife. It's some sort of homeopathy, supposed to help to reduce bruises, which I had during labour. It comes in 2 forms, cream and "pillules" (= small tablets that are placed on the tongue and sucked or chewed until they dissolve). I am not really sure how helpful they are but now my bruises are gone so probably it does help then.

9. Breast pump
It has become my best friend nowadays. My way to relieve myself from bursting breasts and leaking milk. I produce 10 oz of milk at least 3 times a day. Sometimes more than 10 oz 3 times a day, sometimes even 4 times a day.

[nagi] couldn't resist

this [news] is a must read. i love america !

The birth of Agastya - Monica's version, and the start of motherhood

For those who just want to get the summary of this long blog, here it is:
baby Agastya was born on 1st January 2005 on 4:56am at Rosie Maternity Hospital in Cambridge. Weight: 3.5 kgs or 7 pounds 12 oz. The labour was approximately 10 hours and it was a normal delivery. Baby pictures will be available soon after I post this blog. I will make some pictures available on public directory, but there will be more pictures in the private directory, which can only be viewed by registered users.

Stop here if you don't like to read long blog or if you're faint hearted because some part of this blog will detail the labour process.

As you all have gathered from Nagi's previous entry to the blog, my labour starts on 30th December in the morning when suddenly I saw mucus of blood when I went to the toilet. No pain, but we went to the hospital anyway to check it up. The midwife confirmed that it's a "show", which is one of the sign of labour, and she said labour is expected within 48 hours.

Helen came the day before (29th afternoon), and we had the chance to spend the whole day in the city to see the after Christmas sale. Bought a nice pink sweater, oh that reminds me, when would I be able to wear that sweater now? I don't go out of the house anymore since the delivery, what do I need a sweater for? Anyway, Helen asked me if I was ready for the labour, what to be expected, etc. I said to her at that time, I hope it won't be too late. The due date is 12th January, and usually first babies are known to arrive later than earlier. I said, "I am ready now if the baby wants to come out now!" I guess the baby must have heard what I said and took it as a
challenge, huh?

After we came back from the hospital, I still haven't felt the contractions yet, although the midwife told us that I was indeed having contractions. She said they will become painful and when the contractions are approximately 1 minute long and 5 minutes apart, I should call the hospital and start running or cycling or take the bus or whatever to the hospital. Obviously, we took the car. We put a shower curtain in the back seat so that in case my water broke I won't wet the whole seat.

When we arrived at Rosie on 31st December at 8pm, the midwife who examined me said that my contractions are not strong enough yet for her to put me in a labour room. She said it's very common because I just made a trip in the car and probably the excitement of it all stopped or slowed down the labour. She suggested me to walk around the hospital for 1 hour to see if it would help accelerate the labour. Sure enough, we came back after 1 hour, and I was still in a lot of pain. She examined me again, by "examine" I mean just looking at me and talking to me and touching my belly when the contraction happened. She never did any internal examination. Then this cruel midwife told me that I have two options. One, to go home and come back again when labour had intensified. Basically she wants 3 strong contractions in 10 minutes. Whoaaa???? When I was in the labour room later on, 3 strong contractions in 10 minutes means I was already 7 cms dilated. The second option was to go to the ward and stayed there until the contractions become stronger, but in the ward, I had to be alone. Nagi or Yovita cannot accompany me. I said to her I preferred to go home then. The last thing I wanted was to be alone by myself having these painful contractions. While this midwife was explaining this, I put on my shoes and asked her why I
seemed to be having more and more mucusy blood. She had a look, and said "Uh.. umm. let me show this to someone else and confirm." When she came back, she said I was not to go anywhere since that was a sign that labour had definitely started and I was to be put immediately into the labour room. That was a huge relief. Imagine, if I didn't say that to her, and went home instead, I might have delivered the baby in the car!

If you ask me how the contractions feel like, I can only say it started out like a period pain. For those people who are lucky enough to have experienced a heavy period pain, you know what I mean. It then intensified a great deal and after a while it became unbearable you do need some heavy duty pain relief. During the pregnancy I used to wonder how painful are these contractions, and whether I might mistake them for some other pain. I found the best way to illustrate this pain. When I was little until about 13 years old, I never knew how 'headache' feels like. Everytime my mom or
anyone said "Oh I've got a headache", I used to wonder how they must feel, since it looked like they're in a lot of pain. I also used to pretend I had headaches. Not very successfully, of course, because when I was asked how I felt, it just didn't look like I had one. But when I finally did experience a headache, I said to myself, I wished I never wanted to know how it feels like. Labour pain is also like that. There's no point on wondering how it feels like. It's painful and I believe I had never felt hurt as much as that day, and I will never feel more pain than that, unless I'm in labour again.

I opted for gas and air as the pain relief, and God that made me felt really woozy. I felt the room was spinning in all directions, I thought if this is going to make me forget about the pain, it doesn't worth it. Therefore when Nagi asked if I wanted to go for the epidural, I said yes. I didn't really want to use epidural, because of the higher chance that the baby would need to have assisted birth like ventouse or forceps. However I really thought I couldn't rely on this gas and air and I began to feel sick, the only way is to go for the epidural.

Who said epidural offers pain-free delivery? It didn't work that much for me. It started off well in the beginning, because I remember when it was 12 midnight - the turn of new year - I wasn't in a lot of pain thanks to epidural. However, as the labour progressed, I felt more and more pain, they had to call the anaesthetist to redo epidural shot. I don't know how long it took for them to call the anaesthetist, but it felt like an eternity. I had to go back to my gas and air with which you all know by now I had a love-hate relationship. The pain was unbearable, I sent Yovita out from the room, I felt more spinning room, even at some point I thought I fainted. I was convinced I felt unconscious because I cannot recall some of the things happened in the labour. The last time I heard from midwife was that I was 7 cms dilated, then all of a sudden I hear the midwife, Kathy, said "Push with the contractions". I thought, huh, I must have missed a lot! I could indeed feel each contraction and I did feel the urge to push. This is unlike what I heard previously about the effects of epidural. I was lying there on the bed with my legs up, and pushed through the contractions, and both the midwife and Nagi were saying that I was doing a good job. I was very sceptical about this, especially looking at Nagi's face, since he looked somewhat confused. Then I asked, "How long is this pushing approximately going to last?" The midwife replied "Around 1 hour". At that point I said to myself, I cannot go through this so much pain for another hour! Then I asked if it would help if I kneel down so I'd be more upright. I wasn't even sure if I could kneel down but I had to try it anyway. Turned out I could, and soon after that the midwife said she can see the head, and she asked if I wanted to feel the head. I said no, thinking just get on with this pushing, I wanted to get it done and over with. The kneeling down did help, and again, I was surprised I could still kneel with epidural. After the head popped out, the contraction after that delivered the shoulder, the body and the legs in one go. I was so relieved, and the pain disappeared instantly.

After they cleaned me up, they put me and Agastya in Lady Mary ward. The effect of the epidural didn't wear off very soon. I had numbness all over my legs - I felt the left leg more numb than the right one - I couldn't move out of bed. The first time passed urine, a midwife had to walk me to the toilet, which was only two meters away from my bed.

I didn't feel very comfortable in the ward, because there are many ladies with their babies. Each time a baby cry, I thought it was Agastya who cried. They all sound very similar. Moreover, when it was Agastya who did cry during the night, I felt sorry for all the other ladies because they must have awaken by his cry, and vice versa. I was discharged the next day.

Agastya has been a very well-behaved baby. The first two nights were hectic and confusing for both me and Nagi, since he just cried and cried and I ended up feeding him endlessly. There were only half an hour gap between each feed, which was frustrating for me since I also needed some sleep! Then we found out that he was crying continuously one night because he wasn't winded properly, and we found a solution for his endless feeding: bottled breast milk.

Luckily, I produce plenty of milk. I must have pumped 10 oz of milk four times a day. We put 5 oz of milk for Agastya in a bottle for every bottle-feeding. He usually finishes around 3.5 oz, although sometimes he drinks up the entire 5 oz. He has more appetite for breast milk in the evenings and nights. With this bottle-feeding, we get the best of both worlds. Now we at least know how much he has had on each feed, which is a lot, and that eliminates my worry that he didn't have enough food since with
the breast he cried all the time signalling that he's hungry all the time. I think he's just slow in sucking or just taking his time when put to the breast. Also, with the bottle, he seems to settle more. Now I have around 2 hours gap between each feed, during which time he usually sleeps. I usually use those time to sleep as well, or breast pumping, or eating, or just catching up on the world affairs in the internet. Before that, I had Nagi or Yovita feeding me while I was feeding Agastya. I seemed to be stranded in bed all the time. Breast pump is my best friend at the moment. I would have needed the pump anyway even if I didn't use the bottle, because Agastya didn't drink enough from my breast.

Now Agastya is quite predictable. I can already distinguish his cry for food and changing nappies. He only cries if he's hungry or if his nappy needs changing. He has been a very good boy. I think I've mentioned it twice already, but really, having a baby is not as bad as what other people had said. The only downside is that I don't see a lot of sunshine anymore. This morning was the first time since coming back from the hospital that I was outside my house. We had to go to see the doctor to ask about immunisations for Agastya since he'll be travelling to Indonesia for 3 months (YES, THREE MONTHS - I think we've sorted out the visa problem. The 90 days social visit visa can actually be extended inside Indonesia) and we'll miss those 2, 3, and 4 month jabs, so we dropped in the surgery which is just a few hundred meters away from the house. I would need to go again next week on Wednesday to the surgery to see the nurse Marie to get the vaccination shots both for me and Agastya. That will probably be the next time I'm going out of the house. But the weather outside is so bad anyway - windy and rainy - so why am I complaining?

Update: baby pictures are now available. To view them, go to the Gallery section of this website. There are 5 pictures in the public directory (agastya - public) and 28 in the private one. There is a problem (again) with the photo album, it doesn't show the whole directory in the thumbnails, but the pictures are there, trust me. The best way to view it is to click on the first picture in the directory, then keep clicking "Next" to get to next picture, and so on.

[nagi] the long wait

well, the long wait is over. nine and a half months of expectations were full filled on the wee hours of the 1st of january 2005. at 4:56 am GMT, baby agastya breathed through his lungs for the first time. at birth, he weighed in at 3.51 kilos and was approximately 56 cms long. two weeks early ? may be, may be not. we am not complaining that my baby was born 12 days early.

so, this is how it all transpired. on friday, the 31st of dec, monica wakes me up at approximately 4am and recommends that i should not go to work that day as her contractions had started. during the course of the day, her contractions were building up in strength and by 5pm the contractions were quite regular and intense. at about 7pm, the contractions were 7 minutes apart and monica called in rosie maternity hospital to signal she will be arriving soon. i, monica and yovita [with our prudently packed hospital bag] reach rosie and meet one of the midwives. this midwife, name withheld, tells us to return home and come back when she has 3 contractions in a 10 minute period !!! the last thing i want to do is wrestle with the midwife especially if she is the one assigned to us and the relatively-pain-free aspect of labour monica was anticipating was to have any significance at all. she even refused to perform an internal examination on monica.

saved by the bell: there was a shift change and a new midwife, cathy, is assigned to us. she does an internal examination, tells monica she is 3 cms dilated, baby's head 2/5ths engaged and that she *was* infact in labour. this was at approximately 9 pm and this is counted as stage 1. over the next 3 hours, monica was on gas and air, huffing and puffing, in unendurable pain every 3 minutes. i massage her relentlessly and it did not matter how much pressure i exerted on her muscles with my fingers, she grumbled it was too gentle. it was agony for *me* to witness someone who is in unfathomable pain and i had no way of comforting them even a bit. the gas and air makes her head fluffy and she hallucinates. the midwife keeps giving instructions and monica cannot comprehend most of what she said. nugggggiiiiieee, can you pllleeeeeeeeaase tell me what she is saaaaaAaaaaaying?

it is not possible to explain, but the one single voice monica could understand or tune to was me. i was afraid and hesitant. whatever i say, monica retorts. i can say anything i want to monica on any day in my life, but i better not piss her off on that day. i don't want to make even a suggestion. my suggestion, in all likelyhood, will be rejected and i will feel even worse having said something that only made matters worse.

me: hmm.. mo, mo, um, mon..ica, what do you think about an ..umm...“epidural”.
2 second pause. i age 2 years in those 2 seconds.
monica: hmm .. uhhh.. arrr... YEEEEEEEEsses, can you aaaAAAaaask her ?

i ask cathy if an epidural can be arranged. cathy confirms in the affirmative and tells monica it will be 15 to 30 mins before it can be ready. after 20 mins a doctor comes in to administer the epidural. he was very professional, started by giving us cons and the failure rates step by step. monica was in no mood for this. it is a *legal* requirement, i am sure. the doctor is just doing his job. i glance my eyes on monica and see she is not having any of this now. so, to speed up things, before the doctor finishes every sentence, i say yes, we understand, oh yes, we do. he says, righto, letz do it then.

it took 15 minutes for the doctor to set it up. he had to *stop* in the middle doing what ever he was doing when ever monica’s contractions interrupted. 20 minutes after the epidural, monica’s pain is alleviating.

cathy: so, can you rate epidural's efficacy ?
monica: nuggie, what did she say ?
me: if your pain was 10 on a 10 scale before the epidural, what would it be now ?
monica: oh, about 2.
me: [thinking to myself jolly good. my agony is reducing.]

joy is usually short lived. monica's contractions gain strength with a vengeance. over the next 2 hours, even with the epidural, monica alleged the pain is back to 10 on that 10 scale. cathy, slightly concerned, checks the epidural dispenser. she does an internal examination and monica is 8 cms dilated. when cathy was doing this, monica's waters *finally* break !!

about 20 minutes later

cathy: ok monica, i want you to push now.
me: ah.. uh .. are you sure ? [i felt stupid afterwards asking a midwife if she knew what she was doing]
cathy: yes, she is ready to push

no need to detail much here. the baby's head emerged slowly but surely. 42 minutes later, the head in totality comes out !! agastya is furious. he is plum in colour. blood stained pink face looked like a plum. the next push, the shoulders squeeze through and the body follows gently. baby agastya makes constipated faces gasping for his first gulp of air. he does it and yelps out. monica told me later that her pain stopped instantaneously. surprising !

we brought him home the next day. he is a very well behaved boy, a fitting combination of i and monica. i have taken some photos of him and i will post them in the gallery tomorrow. will update the link in a new post.