Breathe again

Just thought I'd share this song with everyone. I think it's a simple song with a good meaning for encouragement. I was singing this song on the way to work this morning, and I felt so good after that :D

Have you wondered how it feels when it's all over
Wondered how it feels when you just have to start anew
Never knowing where you're going when you face a brand new day
It used to be that way, now I just close my eyes and say

*I just wanna breathe again
Learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little, cry a little, live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little, try a little more
I'll breathe again

Starting out again is never easy
Disappointments come and go but life still moves on
With a bit of luck it's a brand new start that might just work my way
No need to walk away, don't wanna live on life's replay

Things will work out fine
If you can find the courage to look past the night
To see the break of dawn

I've got the song in mp3 format if anyone wants it - catch me when I am online from home :D

The long weekend had been good. We went to the city, and for the first time I saw the finished work of the site in Fitzroy Street. It was still in refurbishment when I left to Indonesia. Now it looks prettier than ever! Argos moved there too, and Baker's yard. Oh, this Baker's yard has cream scone.. which was irresistable. I had to buy one and wow it was delicious. It's pre-cut, with thick (read: yay, *THICK*) cream in the middle. I feel like when Yovita goes inside a sushi train :D Heavenly.. heh heh..

M&S food also opened a branch inside Grafton centre, next to Debenhams. I went inside for a sec just to have a look what's in there, and voila, the first thing that caught my attention was sushi! Yovita must have drooled till her saliva's all gone had she seen this! Luckily I don't like sushi that much, so no drooling scene for me there :p

Bought some porridge stuff for Agastya, will send it next weekend along with some clothing. I don't think I can resist buying baby stuff, still.

I went and had Spaghetti gamberi (*read: spaghetti with king prawns in tomato and chilli sauce.. *yummyyy*). It was my first Italian since.. since.. I can't even remember. Must be since before Aga was born.

Aga has his own experience with food. He loves his porridge but likes to play with it too. So the people who feed him will have to eat porridge too. Can't help it since he spurts the porridge right on the face. heh heh. That's my son! :D

Life without a breastpump...

has been difficult. Took only one week for my breasts to stop producing milk like crazy, but I really miss my breastpump and I really miss Agastya. Apparently he's now doing very well and has a big appetite for anything. I only wish time flies so fast, and I will be able to hold him again. It has been difficult, thanks for friends and family who have supported me.

However, some people just judge you without thinking. They immediately say I'm a bad mom and my decision to leave Agastya with my mom temporarily was absurd. As if they had helped me or offered me any help. They don't know how tough it is and I just have this to say to them: "Mind your own business!" If you're not helping and you're not even willing to help, don't critisize me. Saying things like that will only make it more difficult for me.

To self: Aja aja fightiing!!! Fighting!!

Photos are available

Peeps, I've uploaded 28 pictures in private gallery in folder "agastya - 2 to 4 months", and a couple of picture collages in public gallery in folder "agastya". People who have registered in private gallery will be able to see more pictures. People who have not, why haven't you? :p

Aga went to the doctor for some regular check-up today. He's now almost 4.5 month, weight: 8.5 kgs and length 66.5 cms.

Zita sms'ed me last night while watching "Warriors of Yang Clan". Apparently she cried so much during the obvious scenes. I didn't remember I cried that much for that movie.. hihi..

I have to say, I miss Yovita a lot. Not that I don't miss Zita, but it's a different feeling since she had been here with me in England for 2 years. I have got accustomed to her presence. I cried on the day we left for Indonesia realising that day was the last day I would be able to see Yovita in my house. No more shocks in the toilet for unsinkable poo, no more stay-up-late-chat about anything, no more watching vcds non-stop, crying and laughing together. I'll miss our dim-sum outings. I still can go with Nagi or anyone, but it's just not going to be the same. *Geez.. I've started crying again.. sob.. sob..* I miss her early morning stepping down the stairs. It sounds like a bear coming out of hybernation. Boom.. boom.. boom.. as if the ceiling was about to collapse :D heh heh..

My little sis is now a big girl. She's starting university soon. I wish all the best for her in the future. I know she'll do the best since she's the smartest and the most dilligent in our family when it comes to study. She strived hard for life she was a baby, I know she'd have a bright future because she had such determination nothing will be able to defeat her. Good luck, and I miss you so...

I'm back...

Miss me?

May 13 seemed a long way when I left UK in February. Suddenly it came and I had to say farewell... Ah well... November won't be long and I will see my precious again...

Right now the song I keep playing is Li bie de che zhan, one of the songs in "Romance in the rain" series.

...
Qian yan wan yu hai lai bu ji shuo
Haven't even started to say those thousands of words

Wo de lei zao yi fan lan fan lan
My tears were already overflowing, overflowing
...

Been repeating that song for 2 hours non-stop now, I think I don't need text to sing it now :D

I like that series a lot, especially the songs. It's quite a heavy one, a lot of friends recommended it to me, and yes I like it. Not as sad as I thought it was going to be. Yovita of course cried although she had seen this series four times. Everytime she cried, she turned at me checking if I was crying too. When she saw I wasn't crying, she asked, "Not crying, sis?!", made me feel as if my heart is made of stone, I had to repeat a couple of episodes where she cried the most. Still I did not cry.

My heart is not made of stone though. I cried so much the day I left Indonesia. I started crying the night before, actually. I still cry even now if I stop doing anything. Yesterday I cried only because I saw a mother holding a baby in front of Tesco. I went home rushing to Nagi's chest and cried there. Luckily he was by the door when I arrived home.

I will update Agastya's photos in the private gallery tomorrow, maybe. For those who can't wait, Nagi just uploaded a few in his website here. He's quite photogenic, partly maybe because he smiles and laughs a lot. I hope he remains like that forever. Happy and smiles all the time.

Another series I like so much was Mars. I thought the story was quite far from ordinary. The songs are quite good too, especially the opening song, "Ling". The ending song is also good, a duet by Zai Zai and Da S. I'm such a sucker for series with good songs. heh heh.. I liked the songs so much I bought the soundtrack CD.

I think I'll make reviews of all the series I've seen so far. Yes, that would be something nice to do during my spare time. While in Indonesia I've also got some inspiration on how to finish off my novel. That would be done..... someday :D I think by the time I have time to sit down and start to write again, I've forgotten what to write already :D

Thank you for everyone who's been very kind during my time in Indonesia. As I predicted I wasn't able to go online since the connection was very bad. Eveline kept coming to my house every other day to keep me company. So did my grandma. Some other friends came once or twice, bringing presents for Agastya. Cathy and Heni showered me with vcds, not to mention gifts for Aga too. Some friends called once in a while. I didn't have time to go out so these were pretty much my social life.

TV stations in Indonesia endlessly show infotainment (read: news and gossips about celebs). So boring. The pop-idol-type-of-show is also booming. They have lots of those competition. Not just for singing and dancing though, they've extended it to "vote for the best comedian" show! Comedian! They have different competition for different types of music. You name it, they have it, at the same time on different TV channels! I also don't understand how they have Indonesian Joe Millionaire. They've seen the series, the non-Indonesian, original version, so those women must have known the idea behind the show already. What then? I don't see the point of the show.

...
Ni shen zai he fang wo bu guan bu guan
Your whereabouts I don't care, don't care

Qing wei wo bao zhong qian wan qian wan
Please take care of yourself for me. You must! You must!